Bangkok Dangerous JBTF10...
Estimated Read-Time = 30.7 minutes
JBTF10? Not Worth Watching. :..(
Review synopsis: Well. During this last section, not only are we reminded this is a film directed by the Pang Brothers, we also see that it was co-produced by Nicolas Cage. Which is surprising. Because I'm not entirely certain Nic Cage is actually in this movie.
Sure sure. If Joe walks like a Cage and talks like a Cage, it's a Cage ... right? Granted, in the First 10 of Bangkok Dangerous, Joe walks and talks like Nic Cage. But if what we're presented with here is completely devoid of the batshit essence and acting choices that are so unique and enjoyable to the average Nic Cage performance, what are we really looking at? It's why we opened, much like the new Mission Impossible, faced with Henry Cavill's mustache. The deepfaking of his face for Superman accomplished, on paper, what it was supposed to do.
But at the cost of the believability of the character in front of us. What if you could deepfake Nicolas Cage into a film like Bangkok Dangerous? On paper, I've found a way to place something of value into a situation where that actual thing of value is not needed to produce it. In theory, stars like Cage could "rent" out their likenesses and voices and, for a very reasonable price, have them applied to a stand-in who only needs to be paid a very reasonable daily rate. I'd expect the results to be on par with the First 10 we’ve taken in here…
So is this a good or bad thing? Is it more disappointing to be watching a Nicolas Cage simulation playing Joe that can only ever manage to be a minimum viable product? Or should we be more disappointed in an actual Cage who seems unable (for who knows what reason) to muster an enjoyable simulation of himself? When judging someone else's work, we should always be mindful of the fact that we rarely understand the context through which it was created.
I remember being quite taken by The Crow when it screened in theaters. It had been completed despite its lead, Brandon Lee, being killed while it was being filmed. Yes, it helped that I was a fan of Bruce Lee (Brandon's father). And yes, being an angsty teenager, I was primed to enjoy the tale of a gothy rocker whose undying love for a woman allows him to rise from the grave and enact action-packed revenge on those who had killed him and his girl. But I was also very curious to see if I'd sense a void within a film whose star hadn't survived its filming. In that case, no. I left the theater without a wonder of "what could have been" had Brandon Lee lived to complete all of his scenes (bittersweet, as while enough of his briny charisma made it to the screen to carry us through to the credits, the film opened a door he never got the chance to walk through).
And here’s the rub of a JBTF10: Timing is everything. In this case, as soon as my 10 are up, Nic Cage’s Joe begins walking around in a zany Hawaiian shirt. So maybe this is slow-burn Cage, and the rest of the film finds the Pang Brothers trying to control and channel an increasingly esoteric and electric Cage performance. I want to believe this is true. Partially because even the worst movie is hard to make. And life is hard. And now I'm 40. And, as a closet optimist, I want to believe there is magic in everything.
But, judging by the First 10, I feel Bangkok Dangerous to be a film with a somewhat transactional relationship between its script, its direction and its star. I've seen Raising Arizona. I've seen Adaptation. I've seen Con Air and Leaving Las Vegas and Lord of War and Kick-Ass and, ironically, Joe. And if you get to bring us Nic Cage for 10 minutes, I think it’s fair to expect more. Anything less feels like a deepfake. That being said, I think I'm going to give any Nic Cage film an automatic 25 points right off the bat. To this, I'll add 10 points based on the First 10, for a grand total of 35. Which, I see now, is more of an optimistic score than it now has on Metacritic. Shame. Oh well. Here's hoping we get another chance to dance in the world of Nicolas Cage action movies soon.
Stars: Nicolas Cage, Shahkrit Yamnarm, Charlie Yeung
Directed by: Danny Pang, Oxide Chun Pang
Written by: Jason Richman (screenplay)
Check streaming availability via: JustWatch
JBTF10 Review: Bangkok Dangerous
Found by Netflixing: Mission Impossible: Fallout
In the recent Mission Impossible: Fallout, Tom Cruise does many crazy stunts and Henry Cavill has a mustache. Henry Cavill's mustache gained early buzz due to the fact that he was called back from shooting his role in Fallout to perform re-shoots as Superman for the Justice League movie. But, due to his contract for Fallout, he couldn't shave off his mustache (the mustache must be a major plot point in the film). Not a problem though, said someone, because with the power of movie magic (i.e., computers and exploited special effects artists), Henry Cavill's mustache could be removed in post-production.
And so it was.
And ... it was so ... weird.
And ... then someone apparently does a better job with machine learning and a used computer.
Granted, I’ve perhaps gone apples to oranges with the above comparison. Justice League also had bigger problems than Superman's face at times. But it's odd how Henry Cavill's Mission Impossible: Fallout mustache has served as both my introduction to the troubling world of deepfakes and to Bangkok Dangerous. We'll come back to deepfakes. And when we do, hopefully it will make sense. (If you can't tell by now, I kind of just follow these reviews where they lead me.)
But, you'll hopefully agree with me, dear reader, when I say that when I search Netflix for a film with which to find another film to review here, and ANYTHING starring Nicolas Cage shows up ... chances are good that's what we're going with. But my oh my, when not one but TWO Nicolas Cage action movies are amongst my algorithmic results? Happy day!
While National Treasure (good title option for the inevitable Nic Cage biography?) is supposed to be, like, a movie, I’ve never heard of Bangkok Dangerous. My mind is already adding some subconscious punctuation to the title (Bangkok? Dangerous … ) so yeah, let’s do that.
Bangkok Dangerous begins with production logos and I always wonder if I should cut those out or not. The red titles against the black background introducing Virtual Studios (!) Nicolas Cage (!!) and the Pang Brothers remind me a bit of Blade Runner, but the ensuing night-shot of the tops of some buildings in Prague does not.
More shots of Prague roofs, the music subdued. Then kabang, we're outside of a restaurant where Nicolas Cage is eating, by himself, in slow-motion.
"My job takes me to a lot of places," he intones. "It's got its downsides ... I sleep alone. I eat alone. I'm used to it though ..."
We cut over Cage's shoulder, still in slow-motion. He turns his head to look at ... two humans flirting in a dark corner of the restaurant we're in?
"I'd like to meet someone," Cage says as he begins to turn back to his meal, "But it's tough when you live out of a suitcase.”
"I go where I'm told, do what I'm told," he checks his watch, and we doubt it's because the service is slow IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
"I shouldn't complain ..."
Was he complaining? Aside from the low-energy, extremely un-Nic Cagey read we've got going here, the writing feels like it's contradicting facets of itself that were either omitted or never included.
"The work is steady. The money's good." Here, as Cage attempts to inject some optimism into the POV he's laying on us, a pool-playing guy leans down between we and Cage to take a shot. We hear, "But it's not for everyone ..."
Pool Guy straightens up after making his pool shot, the movie and/or soundtrack makes a KRO-WHOOSH noise and we see that Nic Cage IS GONE.
Oh I would so love it if he then reappeared after a moment to make sure he didn't leave his debit card with the check by accident ... and then maybe stare at the amount he left as a tip because, yeah, math isn't his thing, but that's no reason why the hardworking servers in this particular Pool Bar ... Restaurant (maybe that's a thing in Prague) shouldn't get a good tip.
But nope, we instead cut to more Rooftops of Prague and police cars/motorcycles flanking a police van, uh, police-style. Sirens blare loudly as they make turns and drive over, like, a bridge.
We then cut inside what I assume is the police van to see what I assume is a Bad Man, because chains and bars and tattoos and such.
Cut again to a very low angle on a street of Prague as the caravan rushes overhead, blowing leaves to and fro on the street (hey, you GO Pang Brothers, nice, movie-thing (trope?) there).
But uh-oh, we then cut to hands assembling a rifle in the shot-for-night darkness. According to Sergei Eisenstein, we can't help but assume these two moments are related somehow.
Back to the caravan, which boldly continues to take corners at safe speeds throughout the city. Are the sirens blaring so that people get out of their way? That's my only guess, but it seems like a good way to draw a lot of attention to the "sensitive cargo" you "wouldn't want to fall into the wrong hands." But ... I shouldn't complain.
Back to the rifle being built (while tension, unfortunately, is not). C'mon Nic Cage, start ... being ... you!
All the police drive into an underground parking lot. There's a dude smoking a cigarette. And dudes with machine guns. A royal crest which, for all I know, is a beer ad. But unfortunately for Bad Man, it looks like these cops are not fooling around.
Especially when, despite quick cuts back to probably Nic Cage loading bullets into a clip, the police lead the Bad Man inside and into a ... very decently lit interrogation room with large windows giving those of us who might happen to be hiding up on the roofs above a really clean view inside?
As two detectives (they wear suits, right?) yell at each other for some reason, Bad Man is led to a table and seated ... facing us clearly.
Cut to (finally) a full shot of Nic Cage (he was building/loading the gun) with iPhone earbuds in his ears and I'm just starting to wonder what he's jamming out to when FA-SMOOSH. Cage drops down ... and perhaps does a 180-degree turn, popping up just enough to rest the gun on the ledge of wherever he currently is. I do not know what the hell just happened with that particular move, but it conveyed more energy than Cage's entire prior VO, so we're taking it, my friends.
Cage then turns a little dial on the side of a scope. Cut to his view, through the scope, zooming in on Bad Man. I don't think that's how scopes work, but I voted for Kucinich in a presidential campaign once, so what do I know?
Back to Cage as he rests his finger around the trigger in preparation to fire, and the camera tilts back to reveal ... OH! He's in a bell tower. Why is he in a bell tower?
In the interrogation room, recording buttons on a TAPE RECORDER are depressed (Hey! I remember tapes!). Mugshots of another Bad Man (or two) is (are) placed down on the table and pointed at. Uh oh, Main Bad Man pulls a microphone on the table closer as he contemplates spilling the beans.
I do have a moment here where I wonder if the Pang Brothers are going to pull a switcharoo on us. Sure, the sights of the scope are right on Bad Man’s forehead. But maybe at the LAST SECOND, Cage, whose watch is ticking down or up or something, will turn and shoot the policemen instead, thus freeing Bad Man, who we'll then realize Cage is working on behalf of.
Then, after some more whooshy edits, the bell tolls and Cage shoots Bad Man right between the eyes. My disappointment at being wrong here is quickly reversed as we get a set of just wonderful, VERY SURPRISED reaction shots from the two guards in the room.
Then it's back to Cage, hunched over the rifle as the bells toll ... more shots of the police reacting in surprise and horror ... more tolling ... alarm bells sounding ... head-blood-on table-pooling ... six tolls of the bell in total as Cage finally adds, "My name's Joe. This is what I do."
Cut to black.
Okay, we then open on a boat in a river during the day, presumably still in Prague ... and at this point I am, very honestly, wondering about the bell, mainly the "why." As the shot pans up to more roofs, I get it. The bell must have been to cover the sound of Cage's gunshot. Which would be a way to convey how pro Cage, er Joe, is. But I think his watch said 21:00:00 when the bell went off and he shot. Which would be 9PM military time. But usually bell-tolling is tied to the hours of the day, right? So, that would be 6PM due to the tolls. Or AM. And why the need to cover the sound of the shot anyway. Pretty obvious to all the witnesses in the room that Bad Man was shot. I mean, if he was alone and you wanted to shoot him and not have people find you right away, perhaps to give you time to cover your tracks, covering the sound of the shot (or using a silencer?) would make sense to my former Kucinich-voting ass. But, oh, whatever ... this is what Joe does.
The pan up to the roofs doesn't really center on any building in particular. So when we cut inside to a room where someone (Joe) in white rubber gloves is using a Zippo to do something with chemistry things, we can only assume we’re, somewhere, there-ish?
A syringe is filled with some liquid and covered gently with some cloth. Uh-oh. There's a knock at the door. Joe checks his watch then casts a look toward the door. UH-oh.
Joe answers the door with his rubber gloves still on. That's interesting. At the door is a young man in a flannel shirt who is holding his jacket slung over one shoulder (do real people do this?). He is either nervous or a junkie. I'm going with the latter.
"You're late," Cage says as he walks back to his couch and sits down.
"Sorry, Mr. (Joe's last name?)," the junkie says in thick European accent ... then something about a bridge. I don't understand most of it. But junkie places a little case on the table in front of Joe. Joe opens it to reveal CASH. And maybe Joe has kept the gloves on here because this is DIRTY MONEY? (Bazinga?)
"You are leaving?" Junkie asks. Joe stares ... maybe almost glares up at him (C'mon Cage! Act!). "I need the phone," he replies. Silly Junkie...
Joe continues to stare-glare up at him as the young man fumbles a phone out of his pocket. Once Joe has the phone in hand, he quickly snaps the case shut, placing a stack of CASH on top.
"Ummm ..." Junkie stammers, "I can help with zee bags?"
Joe regards him coldly. "No, I can handle them."
As he replies, Joe begins snapping the tips of one rubber glove. It's kind of weird. And I think Nicolas Cage has finally arrived!
OOO! Switcharoo, Pang Brothers? Maybe Joe is the junkie, or a junkie as well, and this is getting awkward because Joe is going to get high with this dude.
Joe stands and hands Junkie his money. Things get even weirder as the Junkie stammers, "Well, if you ever come back I can, I can use the money." Junkie extends his hand to shake, "Dasvidaniya."
OOO! OR, Joe said in the past that he wanted to meet someone. But he never said he wanted to meet a gal. Maybe Cage is going to play a character wrestling with his demons, in addition to his sexuality. #switcharoo
Then Joe takes Junkie's hand, says goodbye, and tases the ever-living shit out of him until he's motionless on the floor. Then, taking the syringe, Joe locates some gnarly track marks on Junkie’s forearm and injects its contents into our friend. So, yeah. "I was taught four rules," again, more voice-over. "One, don't ask questions. There is no such thing as right and wrong."
We cut from track mark close-up to a shot of Joe, hunched over Junkie, expressionless, staring off into the middle distance. The shot pulls back as the voice-over continues:
"Two, don't take an interest in people outside of work. There is no such thing as trust."
We watch Joe mouth some words here. He may be counting. Up or down. Or muttering to himself. Maybe saying a prayer?
"Three, erase every trace. Come anonymous and leave nothing behind."
Fade out of this scene and back up to Joe seated in what appears to be an airport terminal. Instead of the odd, bolted down rows of seats we have in MSP, these seats fold up and look well-cushioned, almost like the seats you'd find in a movie theater.
"Four, know when to get out," we hear, camera cutting to pan around him and a young woman seated across from him. The woman has a laptop open in front of her ... but she appears to be looking at Joe? Hard to tell because of her BANGS. We cut to a shot of Joe facing us, over the woman's left shoulder. Maybe he's looking at her? But as we begin to hear the sound of a child crying we're left to assume he's actually looking at ... whatever ... that ... is. Joe's mind voice continues:
"Just thinking about it means it's time. Before you lose your edge. Before you become a target."
We then cut to see the source of the crying, a little boy of perhaps 4 or 5, distressed and jumping up and down. Because he's lost? Guh. GUH ... anything like this in a movie or the world now makes me think about that scene in Mysterious Skin. You know. THAT SCENE? I need to finish that movie. I wonder if I can?
As the poor child continues to wail, we push in on Joe, who closes his eyes because ... ah man. I don't know.
Cut. Plane touching down in the evening, somewhere.
"So you look for the right opportunity," Joe continues to continue. "Nothing too risky. Get the money ... then disappear forever." (I don't think it ever works out like this, does it?)
Joe then makes his way through customs, an agent inquiring what his purpose is for visiting Bangkok (!!!).
"Holiday," Joe replies. And for one fleeting, beautiful moment, a modicum of the oddball energy we love and expect from Nicolas Cage peeks out from the depths of Joe's ennui. And then it’s gone. Or, was Cage ever even here to begin with? By the way, Joe probably is not here for vacation.
The customs agent inks his stamper and WHAM ... PASSPORT-STAMP-HARDCUT-TO FILM TITLE! Complete with some dirty guitar riffery. Finally. LET'S. GO.
Cut to ... city-traffic B-roll.
"Bangkok ..." (sigh ... God dammit ...) "... dirty and dense."
Credits begin to appear on-screen as a montage that occasionally features Joe does its best to convey the stifling intensity that I'd wager is hard to escape in Bangkok. At this point, I'll award bonus points to this movie if the Joe VO un-ironically says the name of the film in the next minute. But I'm not hopeful at this point.
The music notches up in intensity a little bit and, in doing so, the montage becomes a bit flashy. Once in a while, we cut from shops of storefronts and vendors hawking electronics to Joe seated behind the wheel of a dark car. When you go to Bangkok, do you drive yourself around in it? The few times I've been to New York (free pickles at every table!!!), I marveled at the non-cabbie folk who were driving themselves through the city. But I've never been to Bangkok. So maybe I'm talking out of my ass here. The odd thing though, is everything in the montage is all neon-flashing intensity. Everything about the shots of Joe driving is dark and still. But no point in nitpicking here. Maybe.
"All my clients have one thing in common. They feed off the people," Joe informs us as the montage seems to suggest we're traveling to a more unsavory side of town. "There's big money in misery. Where there's money, there's competition. And the guy paying me usually wins."
Does that? Wait. What does that even mean? All the Joe VO to date has been specifically ambiguous. Sure, it doesn't help that one gets the sense that Cage may have recorded this in bed while watching Making It on NBC. But what we're hearing fails at even being cheap exposition. For instance, the last 30 or so words boil down to "Bad people are bad. And I work for bad people."
That reads stupid. But in my heart, when I read it with the intensity I know Nic Cage is capable of, it sounds fantastic, not just succinct. And hey, what does "and the guy paying me usually wins" mean? Because Joe makes sure he wins? Because Joe works for the baddest of the bad guys? Because the world Joe operates in is inherently chaotic and unpredictable?
Who cares, because suddenly we're in a building listening to two guys have a conversation in a language I do not understand. One of these two men is seated, eating and a tad overweight. So he is probably the Boss. The other gentleman is both Asian and blonde. So he must be Joe's Shadow.
Since I can't tell what's being discussed, I find myself wondering what Big Guy is eating. Looks like sushi. Sounds like a carrot. The table behind Big Guy's desk is covered in photos. As the men continue to discuss something very important, we cut to a close-up of the photos. This means something.
Oh well ... Cut to (a?) (Joe's?) car approaching a house.
"It always starts the same way," Joe voices over as he opens wide the double doors of his bungalow. "Just like I was taught. Secure a safe location, somewhere off the beaten path. Where you have privacy.”
Joe enters, pulling his luggage, and, without closing the doors behind him, begins walking through his large, spacious digs.
"But you stay invisible too long, the human race starts to look like another species. So you venture out. You observe. Then you return to your invisible world ... like a ghost."
The camera swoops around Joe to face him. Yeah, the doors are SUPER open. This seems very ... unwise. Maybe Joe knows he isn't being followed by killers. But don't let bugs in.
And that's 10.
